Dear Pancreas

Dear Pancreas,

I wish I knew you'd give up on me ahead of time, but that is all behind us now as you've shown your true colors. I have to move on.  I've known for quite a while now that I haven't been able to rely on you, but I'm finally taking the time to write to you. 

We had some good times you and me, wouldn't you agree?  We would enjoy chocolate covered ice cream sundaes and yummy delicious baked pastries together.  Or eating cereal, pancakes, french toast or waffles with pure maple syrup.. basically all my favorite breakfast foods.  Making, baking and eating homemade muffins and cookies. Drinking fruit juice or munching on endless amounts of fruit.. adding honey to my hot tea... I'll never forget those good times.  

But now that you've been gone you made me realize that I can no longer enjoy these things without you. Looking tirelessly at the nutritional labels, measuring and counting out everything that I eat or drink. I simply cannot enjoy all of it without you.  And when you return, which I am most certain you will, you have taken the joy out of eating a lot of my favorite foods.

That is not to say I cannot enjoy food without you, but I just now know things about some of my favorite foods I never wanted to know. And because you left me I now face a daunting understanding that you could very well choose to leave again during my life and I will always need to remember that.

I always thought I was tolerant of pain. I was wrong.  Because you left I have to deal with self inflicted pain on my fingertips multiple times a day. I won't lie. It hurts. My fingertips are both rougher and more sensitive now. It's frustrating all the things I need to remember to do now that you left. I keep numerous alarms on my phone to keep track of everything but even then sometimes I forget.  You were always better at remembering things.

When you left it meant it also meant I had to take full responsibility over everything.  I thought we could do this together hand in hand, but I was wrong.  And I'm disappointed in you. I don't like how you left, but I can manage this.  This won't break me. You won't break me. I can do this on my own.

Please reconsider and come back when baby is born,

With Love ♥ Michelle


p.s. even though I am mad at you for leaving, thank you for opening my eyes and giving me a different perspective and understanding on the how others live without you on a daily basis. 

What not to say to a pregnant woman

In case you weren't sure about what NOT to say to a pregnant woman, I made up this great list here. Since I finally announced on my blog that I am indeed pregnant I figured I needed to post this! I have had this post in my mind since the summer...wrote it while I was 33 weeks pregnant, and I'm just now publishing it at 38+ weeks LOL. Anyways I think it is helpful to those who aren't sure what they should and should not say to a pregnant woman.

1. WOW you look big/huge/large/have a basketball or watermelon in there!
This should be without mention. You shouldn't have to be told NOT to mention how big a pregnant woman is.  Not only is she carrying a human life, she also is hormonal. How about just saying "You look beautiful!" No need to concentrate on or mention her size.  No need to make ANY comment on how she looks like she is going to "pop" any minute now. Every woman is different; every pregnancy is different.  So every woman will carry differently, depending on their height, weight, how they normally carry weight etc. WHO CARES. Point is, she is carrying a human life in there. So shut up.

2. You look TINY! Are you sure you are {number} weeks? Are you eating enough?
Ok this is just insulting. Are you insinuating that I am not healthy, or eating enough and that I should be bigger? Are you my doctor? This kind of question only should come from my doctor or midwife who follow my growth throughout the pregnancy.  Again; every woman is different and every pregnancy is different.  Some women might not get as big as others. It doesn't mean anything! So what it isn't "fair" so and so is smaller than you were. Grow up and leave the insulting comments to yourself.

3. Can I touch your belly?*
I could write a book on this. Seriously what is the fascination with belly touching and rubbing? I have NEVER understood this. Why? Whyyyyy??? You are not touching the baby. You are not making a connection with baby.  What you are doing is touching my belly; you are touching my body. As if the body and belly is public property for everyone.  Feeling baby kick and touching the belly are intimate things.  Just because a woman is pregnant doesn't mean that she must forget all her personal boundaries and levels of comfort because everyone and their mom wants to touch her.

You should also know that by simply asking to touch a belly leaves the pregnant woman in an awkward situation. If she says no, that puts a strange twist on the conversation because in all honesty people do NOT like to hear no, and its not really easy to say no thanks because what really happens is that people usually ask WHILE they already are touching the belly. 

So Listen. When baby comes out, you are more than welcome to hold her (or him). While she is in my belly, please don't just come and touch or rub my belly.  You wouldn't ever dare rub someone's belly if they weren't pregnant. Even when said woman is pregnant, it is still her belly you are rubbing, not the baby.  If a pregnant woman wants you to touch her belly, she will have no trouble asking you or telling you. Otherwise it is safer to keep your hands to yourself.

*It is important to note that each pregnant woman has a different level of comfort around this subject*

4. You are breastfeeding, right?
While I am so very touched that you are concerned with how I will or will not use my breasts, this is a personal topic.  You shouldn't insinuate that I must breastfeed.  Some women cannot breastfeed for numerous reasons and you telling them the benefits of breastfeeding is not helpful.  It is 2013. We all know there are many benefits to breastfeeding. however, it is not up to YOU or your concern what I do with my breasts. And it is not some sort of competition on who breastfed longer, or who is more "crunchy", or who loved breastfeeding more, or I loved my kids more bc they were breastfed. Motherhood aint a competition I can assure you.

5.  How could you NOT want to know the gender?
Every family is different! Some people love the element of surprise! And it really wasn't too long ago when everyone had to wait. So its really no big deal if someone chooses not to find out if its a boy or girl ahead of time.  That baby does have to come out eventually. So you'll know then. And i bet it will be a boy or a girl.  Personally, I need to know the gender.  I'd prefer organizing things beforehand and if that means getting new clothes, or reusing clothes from a previous pregnancy, I like to know ahead of time. But again, I'm not going to push my need on someone else.

6. Are you sure? You must be having a {insert gender}!
So sorry to disappoint you I am not having a boy.  I know. those old wives tales on how you carry are so precise. And the doctors must have gotten it wrong, so yes I'll have them double check for me next time. What is the point in this question? Why am I have an argument with you over what the baby's gender is? Were you there during the ultrasound? No. Do you have xray vision and can see through my belly and can tell if it is a boy or girl? No. So please don't try to argue with me that the way I am carrying means I must be having a certain gender. (yes I've had people tell me/argue with me to double check and get an extra ultrasound because the doctors were wrong because I am carrying a certain way).

7. Have you picked a name yet? What is it? (followed by; tell me please! I won't tell anyone!)
I get this a lot.  Everyone and their mom wants to know the name.  However, when you have determined your list of favorite names, or even the exact name, ahead of time then everyone also has an opinion.  An opinion on how they knew a so and so in middle school and how he/she was like this or that.  I know that names come with connotations based on your life experiences.  And that before baby is born people have this need to tell you what is "good" or "bad" about that name.  After baby is born, no one cares. Because it is already finalized and they are holding the sweet precious baby and could care less about the name and they just love him/her.  So that is when you'll know the name. Until then I may or may not pretend we have no names. We actually may have none, or we may already know the name. You'll never know. My husband and I are going to pick a name that both of us agree on, regardless of what other people think.

*this one isn't actually very insulting, but can get annoying after multiple repeat offenses*

8. Did you want a {insert gender}?
This is another odd one. As if I had a choice whether or not I had a boy or girl.   And then afterwards is usually a response to how the person (who asked the question) loves her boy so much (0r girl) and couldn't imagine having the other gender.  Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't get to choose whether I was pregnant with a boy or girl.  Sure, a woman can dream of having a boy, or dream of having a girl.. but when it comes down to it they will (hopefully) love their child no matter what gender.  So of course I'm personally going to think girls are the best ever, because I'm blessed with one already and have another one on the way.  I also know that friends who have boys, or had a boy first tend to find that they think boys are the best and such a blessing.  In the end, you get what the Lord gives you. You love them all the same.  

*gender disappointment can happen, but it does not equate to not loving your unborn/newborn child*

9. So how many kids are you going to have?
OK. WHAT? During both pregnancies I had people, family and strangers ask when we'd be adding more babies to our family. Um... Let me take one at a time. I am the one going through the pregnancy, labor and delivery. If you want more babies than gladly go ahead and do it yourself. As for if I am having more kids that is a decision between my husband and I, not the world (even though I know we do make good looking babies ;) )

10. Say NOTHING. Just stare.
This is one of the worst offenders.   And even worse, I see this mostly done by women.  I don't understand why people feel the need to stare down on pregnant women.  Not in a nice way either.  I've received this stare a LOT. Perhaps because I look young? The other day I was walking Mia and I saw a group of moms jogging with their babies in their strollers. They had stopped a little bit ahead of me so when I passed them I said good morning and hi to them with a smile. They completely stopped talking and just stared at me and even looked down at me.  And I know (because I checked after) I didn't have boogers hanging out from under my nose. I'm not sure why they decided to just stare at me, but seriously that is rude. And if they are making assumptions on my situation and assuming things that I am perhaps single and young and pregnant well they couldn't be further off. A simple hi back would suffice.  I'm not asking to be your friend. Just common courtesy.


What I DO love to hear as a pregnant women:

How are you feeling? That simple question is a great question to start a conversation, as opposed to the above.  Sometimes I won't feel like talking, but other times I'll let you know how I am feeling. Because growing a human being is hard work.  Even if you love it, or you are struggling it isn't a walk in the park.  And it is so nice to feel appreciated and to have others genuinely concerned with your well being :)

You look beautiful. That will never get old.  I certainly don't feel beautiful. I do feel big, and it never hurts to tell me how good I look-- even if I do look like a whale ;)

Anything else you would add to this list? :)

♥ Michelle

Things I Like: Pine cones

Pine cones

One of my favorite parts of Fall, aside from all the lovely colors, is the abundance of pine cones.  And most importantly I like to step on pine cones. The crunchy noise underfoot is like none other.

It brings me back to my childhood when we used to step on as many pine cones as we could find. To this day, I go out of my way to step on one. I also can admit that I am mildly disappointed when a pine cone is not crunchy..

♥ Michelle

Dishwasher Packing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Do you, or someone you love, suffer from Dishwasher Packing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (DPOCD)? If so, then this is the post for you.

Hello! My name is Michelle and I have DPOCD, which is a very serious condition.  There is a right way to load a dishwasher and a wrong way. I apparently am the only one who knows the right way. And I will reload it if necessary, and then mentally attack you (you, who cannot properly load the dishwasher, you) with ninja swords. You've been warned. 

I'm not quite sure when I discovered I had DPOCD, but once I was diagnosed my entire life made much more sense.  There is a reason to the way I pack a dishwasher.  I don't just pack dishes for the fun of it. I don't particularly love doing dishes. But I do know there is a right way and a wrong way to load the dishwasher. Since I have been blessed and know the correct way I figure I can put this out there to help others in need.

There are some simple truths about dishwasher packing that you should know and accept before moving forward:

5 Truths about Dishwasher Packing:

1. There is a right way to load a dishwasher.
2. A correctly loaded dishwasher washes the dishes better.
3. Loading the dishwasher is an art form.
4. Every dishwasher is unique and deserves it's own packing technique.
5.  Anyone can learn how to correctly load a dishwasher.


With all that in mind, what can you do? Don't worry. I've got some suggestions to help you out.


What you can do if someone you love is suffering from DPOCD:

1. Put the dishes IN the dishwasher. OK, so yes, I know you can't properly load the dishwasher (because I've seen what you do), and you possibly know that I can (obviously). But that doesn't mean you just leave all the dishes in the sink, or worse the counter next to the freaking sink.  I'd much rather rearrange dishes then have to grumble my way through putting an entire sink of dirty dishes in the sink because you are too lazy. And don't use the excuse that you were going to do it later.  I guarantee you I did give you enough time to put them away.

2. Pay attention to the dishwasher.  If your loved one is always putting a specific plate in the same spot, then it is really simple: when you load the dishwasher, put it in that same spot.  I guarantee that after two dishwasher loads you'll see the pattern and how to load it. Plus you'll prevent your loved one from having an anxiety attack.

3. Learn where the dishes "live". So, you still can't load the dishwasher properly even after you have tried many times? Don't worry. You can still help. The least you can do is to put away the clean dishes. That does require knowing where the dishes go.  Finding a million tupperware on the counter because you couldn't figure out where they go is not helpful at all. Every dish has a place. Take five minutes and study your cabinets. (oh and by the way, for the tupperware, it is very simple to stack tupperware. Please don't act like you don't know how to put the larger ones on the bottom and stack with the smaller ones inside. That is considered basic stacking skills, something you learn as a toddler.)

4. Follow the basic rule that like dishes go together. Don't put a large plate, then a small plate then a bowl all in a row in your dishwasher.  Put all your large plates together in a row; then all your small plates together in a row; then all your bowls together in a row.  That way the dishes stack are much more snug and you can fit more in your dishwasher. Go ahead and try it. Your mind will be blown. (and now you understand your loved one better now).

5. If it is late at night and the dishwasher has not been started yet you need to spring into action! Quickly load/finish loading the dishwasher and start the cycle.  This will give your loved one a break.  But please keep in mind the above suggestions and don't just throw all the dishes in the dishwasher. Loading the dishwasher is an art form, remember that.


What you can do if you suffer from DPOCD:

1. Take one dishwasher load at a time. If you start to get overwhelmed with dishwasher packing, remember it is only one load at a time. So do this one load and then take a breather. Then go reward yourself and eat some chocolate. you deserve it.

2. Understand that you can properly train others how to load a dishwasher. Also keep in mind that they will completely forget their training within less than a week. Baby steps. Baby steps...

3. Pick 1 (yes ONE) thing that drives you crazy about the other dishwasher packers in your household to work on at a time. For example: So and so keeps putting a particular utensil on the top rack.  Not only does it clearly belong with the utensils it also hasn't been coming out of the dishwasher fully cleaned. So then you have to rinse it again after it has already been washed in the dishwasher.  So try saying something like this, while loading the dishwasher of course, "Oh hey {insert name} I realized that this {particular utensil} doesn't wash well in the top rack and would wash better with the utensils. Just so you know next time!" Warning: This step may need to be repeated multiple times.

4. If the above suggestion does not work please allow Mr or Miss so and so, who obviously enjoys dirty dishes, to empty the dishwasher themselves -- OR leave spatula as is and let them discover that it is not coming out clean by themselves.  This can be particularly difficult because not all people notice cleanliness of dishes, so this may prove unsuccessful.

5. Give yourself a curfew.  If it is late at night and you should be going to sleep and you see a few more dishes that need to go in the dishwasher DON'T DO IT. Don't do it because more than likely you'll have to rearrange the dishwasher because someone else in the family did not load it properly. So don't even open the dishwasher. Leave it AS IS. Have someone else start the dishwasher and walk away. That way you prevent yourself from spending at least 20 minutes rearranging. And you more than likely rearranged it earlier in the day so the damage is hopefully minimal.

If you or a loved one is suffering from DPOCD, do not feel alone.  There are others who understand and feel your pain.  If you are looking for a place to vent, here is a safe place. 

And, Remember my friends; loading the dishwasher is an art form. It should be treated likewise.

♥ Michelle

*disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nor do I proclaim to be one. 
If you should need medical attention for your DPOCD please seek out your doctor for help.