It's been a while

It's been a while. Since I've been here.

When I created this virtual space I saw it as a place to voice my thoughts, or things I want to say or process. But things happen, life gets busy, and I and haven't been using it. 

I mentioned when I was younger that I always dreamed of being an author, a writer. I always have so many lines of thought that I want to write down and now that Samantha is older and I feel I have more time I'm finally committing myself to actually doing it. Finding therapeutic, de-stressing activities are very important to me -- and writing may very well become another addition to my personal health! 

Confession: I have over ten posts that I have drafted and never finished and/or published them. 

A new leaf can come whenever it may right? Well. Here is to turning over a new leaf. I will be starting my blog up again. I hope to finish up and publish those drafts soon! :)

♥ Michelle

Happy 2 Years Mia!

Yesterday is the day we celebrated two years ago we brought home Mia!

2 years ago, yesterday :)

So in honor of Mia's two years with us and her 2nd birthday (in November) I thought it would be fun to share a few fun facts about Mia with you. I do share pictures of her on Instagram all the time but it would be nice to celebrate yesterday :)

Mia does not like the rain. If it were up to her she wouldn't go out in the rain at all. Many times she will whine to go out but when she gets to the front step and sees that it is raining and pouring she decides to not go out. She never has an accident but I'm always shocked at how long she would rather hold her bladder than just go quickly out in the yard lol. She also avoids puddles like the plague.  So while we take a walk if there is a puddle she purposefully goes around it. Its funny to watch but I don't like the smell of wet dog so I think it works out perfectly :)

9 weeks old, first time in the snow

However--She loves the snow! I absolutely do NOT like snow. Its beautiful to look at but that is about it for me.  I don't enjoy cold weather at all, even though I was born in Boston and have lived in the North East all my life. Mia on the other hand LOVES cold weather and loves snow. Figures!

She is easily scared. I mean seriously. Any loud noise and the dog has a heart attack. Its ridiculous.

She has never bitten any of us. Even accidentally.  As of now anyways. But I am VERY proud of her for that. Eliana grabs her hair, pulls it, pulls her everywhere by the collar or the tail and she has never bitten her and frankly I'm surprised! She has snapped and nipped at Eliana to hint that she is irritated but never bit her. And she has never snapped at people she doesn't know. She is just timid around them. She has also been WONDERFUL with Samantha and wants to be by her, lick her and protect her. Its adorable!

She loves to LICK. She will lick you all over if you let her. It drives me bananas but it is super cute. :)

Those EYES! That NOSE! are the cutest you've ever seen! ;)

She loves shoes. She doesn't eat them-- never has -- but when you take off your shoes she will dive her head into it and sniff it all up. So don't be self conscious about your stinky feet if you are around her. She loves EVERY shoe regardless of how stinky it is or is not.

She is very expressive with her ears. One of my absolute favorite parts of her are her ears. I LOVE how expressive she is with her ears and how they change with her attitude.  They are floppy but very light so with the wind or while we are walking they flop all over the place. Sometimes her ears will be in different directions sometimes because she is listening to everything. When she does something wrong they flatten.

So that is our Mia! :) Happy Second Birthday Mia! :)

(Eliana helped design this for Mia's birthday in November hehe)

*****

I'm going to take a Michelle Moment and being really honest. I also want to take the time on this post to say that the second anniversary of our beloved Kiwi's tragic death was in November. While Mia has been a huge help in the healing process, and has been a perfect fit for our family.. it still doesn't feel good two years later and I still miss Kiwi. I do sometimes feel bad for Mia because my heart changed the day we lost Kiwi. 

Please don't misunderstand me-- I Love Mia, I do. But when you lose a pet before his/her timing in a tragic way it changes you.  And knowing that you would not have gotten said pet if the previous pet was still around can hurt sometimes. I mean its not like we had Kiwi for a day and then lost him. We had him for five years. He was with us through every move we made, he would sit on my shoulder during ever paper I wrote for school, he was with me throughout my first pregnancy and loved to sit on my growing belly. He was a part of our family. I missed not having him around during my second pregnancy.. there are many times I miss him. It still hurts.

Even if you don't like birds or understand birds you can understand the loss of a beloved pet before his/her time. my Kiwi was the most amazing cuddly bird ever. My relationship with him will never be replicated and I absolutely loved him. I'm so thankful we had him for five years and I will cherish those five years forever. RIP Kiwi 06/01/2006-11/19/2011♥

*****

 ♥ Michelle

Dear Pancreas

Dear Pancreas,

I wish I knew you'd give up on me ahead of time, but that is all behind us now as you've shown your true colors. I have to move on.  I've known for quite a while now that I haven't been able to rely on you, but I'm finally taking the time to write to you. 

We had some good times you and me, wouldn't you agree?  We would enjoy chocolate covered ice cream sundaes and yummy delicious baked pastries together.  Or eating cereal, pancakes, french toast or waffles with pure maple syrup.. basically all my favorite breakfast foods.  Making, baking and eating homemade muffins and cookies. Drinking fruit juice or munching on endless amounts of fruit.. adding honey to my hot tea... I'll never forget those good times.  

But now that you've been gone you made me realize that I can no longer enjoy these things without you. Looking tirelessly at the nutritional labels, measuring and counting out everything that I eat or drink. I simply cannot enjoy all of it without you.  And when you return, which I am most certain you will, you have taken the joy out of eating a lot of my favorite foods.

That is not to say I cannot enjoy food without you, but I just now know things about some of my favorite foods I never wanted to know. And because you left me I now face a daunting understanding that you could very well choose to leave again during my life and I will always need to remember that.

I always thought I was tolerant of pain. I was wrong.  Because you left I have to deal with self inflicted pain on my fingertips multiple times a day. I won't lie. It hurts. My fingertips are both rougher and more sensitive now. It's frustrating all the things I need to remember to do now that you left. I keep numerous alarms on my phone to keep track of everything but even then sometimes I forget.  You were always better at remembering things.

When you left it meant it also meant I had to take full responsibility over everything.  I thought we could do this together hand in hand, but I was wrong.  And I'm disappointed in you. I don't like how you left, but I can manage this.  This won't break me. You won't break me. I can do this on my own.

Please reconsider and come back when baby is born,

With Love ♥ Michelle


p.s. even though I am mad at you for leaving, thank you for opening my eyes and giving me a different perspective and understanding on the how others live without you on a daily basis. 

What not to say to a pregnant woman

In case you weren't sure about what NOT to say to a pregnant woman, I made up this great list here. Since I finally announced on my blog that I am indeed pregnant I figured I needed to post this! I have had this post in my mind since the summer...wrote it while I was 33 weeks pregnant, and I'm just now publishing it at 38+ weeks LOL. Anyways I think it is helpful to those who aren't sure what they should and should not say to a pregnant woman.

1. WOW you look big/huge/large/have a basketball or watermelon in there!
This should be without mention. You shouldn't have to be told NOT to mention how big a pregnant woman is.  Not only is she carrying a human life, she also is hormonal. How about just saying "You look beautiful!" No need to concentrate on or mention her size.  No need to make ANY comment on how she looks like she is going to "pop" any minute now. Every woman is different; every pregnancy is different.  So every woman will carry differently, depending on their height, weight, how they normally carry weight etc. WHO CARES. Point is, she is carrying a human life in there. So shut up.

2. You look TINY! Are you sure you are {number} weeks? Are you eating enough?
Ok this is just insulting. Are you insinuating that I am not healthy, or eating enough and that I should be bigger? Are you my doctor? This kind of question only should come from my doctor or midwife who follow my growth throughout the pregnancy.  Again; every woman is different and every pregnancy is different.  Some women might not get as big as others. It doesn't mean anything! So what it isn't "fair" so and so is smaller than you were. Grow up and leave the insulting comments to yourself.

3. Can I touch your belly?*
I could write a book on this. Seriously what is the fascination with belly touching and rubbing? I have NEVER understood this. Why? Whyyyyy??? You are not touching the baby. You are not making a connection with baby.  What you are doing is touching my belly; you are touching my body. As if the body and belly is public property for everyone.  Feeling baby kick and touching the belly are intimate things.  Just because a woman is pregnant doesn't mean that she must forget all her personal boundaries and levels of comfort because everyone and their mom wants to touch her.

You should also know that by simply asking to touch a belly leaves the pregnant woman in an awkward situation. If she says no, that puts a strange twist on the conversation because in all honesty people do NOT like to hear no, and its not really easy to say no thanks because what really happens is that people usually ask WHILE they already are touching the belly. 

So Listen. When baby comes out, you are more than welcome to hold her (or him). While she is in my belly, please don't just come and touch or rub my belly.  You wouldn't ever dare rub someone's belly if they weren't pregnant. Even when said woman is pregnant, it is still her belly you are rubbing, not the baby.  If a pregnant woman wants you to touch her belly, she will have no trouble asking you or telling you. Otherwise it is safer to keep your hands to yourself.

*It is important to note that each pregnant woman has a different level of comfort around this subject*

4. You are breastfeeding, right?
While I am so very touched that you are concerned with how I will or will not use my breasts, this is a personal topic.  You shouldn't insinuate that I must breastfeed.  Some women cannot breastfeed for numerous reasons and you telling them the benefits of breastfeeding is not helpful.  It is 2013. We all know there are many benefits to breastfeeding. however, it is not up to YOU or your concern what I do with my breasts. And it is not some sort of competition on who breastfed longer, or who is more "crunchy", or who loved breastfeeding more, or I loved my kids more bc they were breastfed. Motherhood aint a competition I can assure you.

5.  How could you NOT want to know the gender?
Every family is different! Some people love the element of surprise! And it really wasn't too long ago when everyone had to wait. So its really no big deal if someone chooses not to find out if its a boy or girl ahead of time.  That baby does have to come out eventually. So you'll know then. And i bet it will be a boy or a girl.  Personally, I need to know the gender.  I'd prefer organizing things beforehand and if that means getting new clothes, or reusing clothes from a previous pregnancy, I like to know ahead of time. But again, I'm not going to push my need on someone else.

6. Are you sure? You must be having a {insert gender}!
So sorry to disappoint you I am not having a boy.  I know. those old wives tales on how you carry are so precise. And the doctors must have gotten it wrong, so yes I'll have them double check for me next time. What is the point in this question? Why am I have an argument with you over what the baby's gender is? Were you there during the ultrasound? No. Do you have xray vision and can see through my belly and can tell if it is a boy or girl? No. So please don't try to argue with me that the way I am carrying means I must be having a certain gender. (yes I've had people tell me/argue with me to double check and get an extra ultrasound because the doctors were wrong because I am carrying a certain way).

7. Have you picked a name yet? What is it? (followed by; tell me please! I won't tell anyone!)
I get this a lot.  Everyone and their mom wants to know the name.  However, when you have determined your list of favorite names, or even the exact name, ahead of time then everyone also has an opinion.  An opinion on how they knew a so and so in middle school and how he/she was like this or that.  I know that names come with connotations based on your life experiences.  And that before baby is born people have this need to tell you what is "good" or "bad" about that name.  After baby is born, no one cares. Because it is already finalized and they are holding the sweet precious baby and could care less about the name and they just love him/her.  So that is when you'll know the name. Until then I may or may not pretend we have no names. We actually may have none, or we may already know the name. You'll never know. My husband and I are going to pick a name that both of us agree on, regardless of what other people think.

*this one isn't actually very insulting, but can get annoying after multiple repeat offenses*

8. Did you want a {insert gender}?
This is another odd one. As if I had a choice whether or not I had a boy or girl.   And then afterwards is usually a response to how the person (who asked the question) loves her boy so much (0r girl) and couldn't imagine having the other gender.  Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't get to choose whether I was pregnant with a boy or girl.  Sure, a woman can dream of having a boy, or dream of having a girl.. but when it comes down to it they will (hopefully) love their child no matter what gender.  So of course I'm personally going to think girls are the best ever, because I'm blessed with one already and have another one on the way.  I also know that friends who have boys, or had a boy first tend to find that they think boys are the best and such a blessing.  In the end, you get what the Lord gives you. You love them all the same.  

*gender disappointment can happen, but it does not equate to not loving your unborn/newborn child*

9. So how many kids are you going to have?
OK. WHAT? During both pregnancies I had people, family and strangers ask when we'd be adding more babies to our family. Um... Let me take one at a time. I am the one going through the pregnancy, labor and delivery. If you want more babies than gladly go ahead and do it yourself. As for if I am having more kids that is a decision between my husband and I, not the world (even though I know we do make good looking babies ;) )

10. Say NOTHING. Just stare.
This is one of the worst offenders.   And even worse, I see this mostly done by women.  I don't understand why people feel the need to stare down on pregnant women.  Not in a nice way either.  I've received this stare a LOT. Perhaps because I look young? The other day I was walking Mia and I saw a group of moms jogging with their babies in their strollers. They had stopped a little bit ahead of me so when I passed them I said good morning and hi to them with a smile. They completely stopped talking and just stared at me and even looked down at me.  And I know (because I checked after) I didn't have boogers hanging out from under my nose. I'm not sure why they decided to just stare at me, but seriously that is rude. And if they are making assumptions on my situation and assuming things that I am perhaps single and young and pregnant well they couldn't be further off. A simple hi back would suffice.  I'm not asking to be your friend. Just common courtesy.


What I DO love to hear as a pregnant women:

How are you feeling? That simple question is a great question to start a conversation, as opposed to the above.  Sometimes I won't feel like talking, but other times I'll let you know how I am feeling. Because growing a human being is hard work.  Even if you love it, or you are struggling it isn't a walk in the park.  And it is so nice to feel appreciated and to have others genuinely concerned with your well being :)

You look beautiful. That will never get old.  I certainly don't feel beautiful. I do feel big, and it never hurts to tell me how good I look-- even if I do look like a whale ;)

Anything else you would add to this list? :)

♥ Michelle